Growing Pains

   It is four in the morning and Ryder has been asleep since eleven. I am waiting for him to wake up. You may think I'm crazy, waiting for my baby to wake up. I lay him down in his crib for the first time in his eleven week old life. That is where he is currently sleeping at this moment.

   I have been waiting for him to wake up because I knew that he would not like his crib. I knew he would wake up and wonder where his mother is. He would awake yearning for my closeness and familiarity. I have been watching him like a hawk since he fell asleep five hours ago. I wanted to be there when he woke up. I did not expect him to go down for the night.

   My baby is growing up before my very eyes. I am making myself sit here on my bed. I keep wanting to pick him up and cuddle and nurse him back to sleep. Just the other day I was talking about how he had to be nursed to sleep. Of course only days later would I lay him in his crib to instantly fall asleep at a decent time for a full night's sleep.

   I must be crazy, being one of the only mother's complaining about having a perfect baby. I know right now there are mothers rocking there crying babes. There are mothers with babies who are teething, who are sick, who have to be held. I know that those mothers are probably exhausted and just praying for a moment of sleep. 

   Being a mother is a hard job, but it is rewarding. I hope those mothers that are up right now hold there babies tight tonight. I hope that while they are praying for that moment of sleep, that they are also praying for their little baby. Thanking God for the opportunity to be their momma. Thanking Him for what is hopefully one of the best things that ever happened to them.

   I know this is the one of many moments that will make me wish time would slow down. I'm sure Ryder will wake up in another hour or so to eat, and I am eagerly waiting to hold and nurture him. Tonight might be a fluke, and I might not get him to sleep in the crib again for awhile. If that happens, I will be just fine. I will also be just fine if he decides he loves his crib. I'm proud of my baby, and I always will be. I will be just fine being his momma.

xx

New Years Resolutions

   I was going to write a post on New Year's Day, and I was going to write out a list of my personal resolutions, but time slips away when you become a mother. As the beginning of the New Year has come and gone, I saw quite a few posts and pictures on social media making fun of resolutions. To be honest, a year ago, I would have agreed with these posts. 

   These posts stated how this was the year to actually go through with the resolutions made in 2012. Some talked about how it was another year to stay the same, and how resolutions don't mean anything. 

   

   

   Last year, I was happy in life. I didn't really have any worries, I was paying bills and working. I lived day to day, and was saving up to move out and live with a good friend of mine. I was constantly making friends and going to different parties. I thought I was living the life. I don't remember if I made any resolutions last year, if I did, they were probably along the lines of toning my body, eating healthier, cliche selfish resolutions. 

Last selfie of 2013, and last selfie of 2014.

   This year, I am writing down my resolutions. This year, I will follow through with my resolutions. This year, I will make resolutions I can keep and follow through on. I know that it has been over a week since New Years, but it is not too late to make resolutions. I highly encourage you to make at least one or two achievable resolutions for 2015.

   Here are mine.

1. I will become healthier and get to where I feel good about myself.

   My goal right now is to lose about ten or fifteen pounds. Not necessarily because I need to, but because it will make me feel better about myself, and I know losing that little bit of weight is achievable. 

2. I will not drink soda.

   Before having Ryder, I rarely drank soda. I might would treat myself once a month, but I'd choose tea or water over soda. When I got pregnant, I drank soda all the time. With the new year, I'd like to break that habit again. I know that this will help me with my first goal as well.

3. I will drink more water.

   Have you ever heard of the gallon challenge? It is where you drink a gallon of water every day. It is harder than it sounds. I started trying to drink that much water a week ago, and I've had to work myself up to drinking that much water! I'm almost to the whole gallon on one day. Let me tell you, I feel amazing too. I'm not feeling as tired and lethargic as usual. I feel like my skin is more clear and healthy, and my milk supply is better than it has ever been since Ryder has been born.(:

4. I will be the best mother I can be.

   I did not write the "perfect mother" or the "mother who has her life together all the time." Growing up, my parents always encouraged me to do my best. Sometimes your best is not perfect, but as long as it's your best, it is good enough. I need to love Ryder more than anything, treat him with respect, and teach him by example. As long as I put Ryder's needs and wants above my own, I know that I will be a good mother.

5.  I want to live in the moment more.

   I want to hold my son tighter. I want to not complain when he cries for me to hold him. I want to cherish the time I spend with my family. I want to remember to pause and take in everything. Time changes things. People leave, grow up, get busy, and I want moments to remember when these inevitable changes happen.

   As this year goes by, if you follow me on a social media site, or you have my number, shoot me a message or a text and ask me how my resolutions are doing. Whether you know me personally or not. I hope this inspires you to make one or two goals of your own this year.(:

Happy 2015!

xx

#ManCrushMonday

   I am going to try to start posting on Mondays when it comes to my little man. It seems appropriate considering  the oh so popular hashtag. #mcm. I am so in love.

 I feel like I am going to sporadically post at first, after all, I am a new momma. 

   I adore being a mommy. I plan on writing about how the birth went in another post, but I want to talk about last night for this post.

 I brought Ryder home around five in the afternoon yesterday. I was nervous to be home, but I knew that home is where we need to be to be able to really recover and for our lives together to start. 

   All I could think about when I got home was how I have this little human now. This little boy, that I carried in my tummy for nine months, is mine. I am responsible for this baby. I am the one who has to love, nurture, protect, teach, and take care of this little baby. 

   Ryder was eating really well when we first got home, and he was sleeping well. It seemed like when I decided to go get in my bed for the first time, things just started messing up. I was so tired, and it was the first night of me doing this by myself. I couldn't remember to write down when he was eating. I couldn't get him to stop crying unless I was holding him. Last night seems like such a blur because I was so tired, and I could not remember when he had started or stopped eating. It just was such a difficult night for me. 

   I honestly did not think about how difficult it would be. My mom woke up and came in to help me early this morning and I just could not stop crying. I just felt like such a bad mom. I felt like I had been doing so well, and then I was supposed to do it on my own and it is like everything was just wrong. All I could think about was how my baby was not going to be okay. 

   Now when I look back on last night, I had Ryder alone for only about four hours. It was not that long. I fed Ryder enough, and he was safe, warm, full, and with his mommy. (These hormones are no joke.) These first few days are going to be really hard, but I know that if I push through these days, I will be just fine. I really am so so blessed. 

   There is no way I could do this without my family. My mom and dad both came in this morning and held Ryder and watched him long enough for me to get a little bit of sleep. My sister watched him this morning after I fed him and got him settled down. That allowed me another hour and a half of much needed sleep. 

   After waking up, and getting ready to take Ryder to the doctor to get a check, all I could think about was a certain quote. “Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."  This is a quote by Elizabeth Stone.

  I think this is the first quote I have ever heard that is so applicable and true. Right now, holding my little boy, I am looking at my heart. When someone is holding Ryder, they are holding my heart. This baby is a part of me. 

   It is insane, this feeling of being a mommy. I pray that I will be the best mom that I can be for Ryder. I know I wont be the most perfect mom, I'm gonna mess up, I am gonna forget to write down which breast Ryder ate at last. I am gonna forget to write down when I changed his diaper sometimes. I am also going to love this little boy more than anything in this world. 

   I'm so happy my baby is now safe and in my arms. I am one blessed momma.

I have just started one of the greatest adventures of my life.

xx

Maternity Pictures

   In my last post, I wrote about how I had taken maternity pictures with a friend. Today, I got the disk with all the pictures on it!(:

My sister and I met my photographer at hobby lobby so we could make a flower crown for the shoot. Neither of us had ever made a flower crown before, so we were hoping for the best.

As I was driving towards are destination, it started to lightly drizzle. We were all hoping that the sun would just stay out a little bit longer and that it would not rain. Thank goodness we were blessed with the perfect light and day.

We were all sweating from it being a tad too hot, but this shoot was so enjoyable. Before taking pictures, my friend had asked if I would mind getting in the water, and I replied, "why not, let's do it!"

I am so so pleased with how these pictures turned out, and I know I am going to enjoy looking back at them in the future.

This one is one of my favorites!(:

I adore this one as well, I think our flower crowns turned out really well!

My friend wanted to incorporate my baby's name somehow, and my sister suggested writing it in the sand. This picture ended up looking so good. Although I am right-handed, maybe that is why the stick looks so delicate in my left hand!;)

This is my other top favorite, I just feel like it looks so beautiful. I feel like some women struggle with the way they look when they are pregnant and start getting "fat." I honestly have loved it so far. I feel so beautiful, and I am so happy.

I am really hoping that Ryder has blue/grey eyes like me!

Thank you, Rebecca for coming with me to my maternity shoot. Hopefully you enjoyed it, and I know you are going to be an amazing aunt when Ryder is born!(:

This picture was the last picture we took. We were running out of time and light, so we just snapped the picture and hoped for the best. This ended up being one of my favorites!

32 weeks !!

   It's September, which means next month (NEXT MONTH) is October. Most of y'all are probably saying, "well, duh Hannah, that is the month after September," but Ryder is due in October! He is due at the end of October, so he might end up being born in November, but it's getting so close! I have eight more weeks till Ryder's due date, although only four more weeks till I'm technically full term!(:

   In my last blog post, I wrote how my baby sister and I were not feeling too well. It took us a few more days to get over the worse of it all, but we are mostly all better now. 

   At the moment, I am living with my parents. I was hoping to have my own place, but it just hasn't worked out at all. I've been discouraged about it every now and again, but especially after this weekend, I'm glad to be right where I am. It is going to be so nice having my mom here to help with the baby, and I know I'm going to be so thankful for my parents. This weekend, we renovated my room to get it ready for me and Ryder.

   I've slept in a twin bed my whole life, as of last night, I have a full bed. It is literally amazing, and I have so much room to stretch out!(: The walls in my room and bathroom were a deep red and a mustard yellow, now my walls are antique white with one grey accent wall. My bathroom is the same color as the accent wall! 

This is the before color.

   I'm not going to put up pictures till it is all finished, but here is a sneak peek. This is in my bathroom, I love the light grey color. It looks so fresh and clean. I cannot wait to finish getting all my furniture and decorate the bare walls.

   I went antique shopping and found these drawers for Ryder. I saw them and thought they were perfect. I even talked down the price just a little bit, which means I paid less than what the seller was originally wanting. I would have never thought I'd have so much together last week!

   Now all I need is a crib! If anyone wants to help a momma bear out, I'm not picky. I just want something that is safe and will look good in my room! 

   Me and my brother in the top picture.(:

   Sunday lunch at Bagelheads. I went to lunch after church with one old friend and one new friend. That potato and cheddar soup and cinnamon raisin bagel were amazing!! Now, on to the fun survey! I only read this part on some people's blogs (so I understand if this is all you care about, haha)! 

How far along: 32 weeks

Gender: Boy(:

Weight gain: About 16 lbs. it will be interesting to see how much I gained when I go to the doctor next week, especially after losing a couple of lbs last week

Maternity clothes: I don't think I wore any maternity clothes this last week.. Ha, I need to go through all my clothes this next week!

Stretch marks: Still none, I am considering myself lucky so far(:

Belly button in or out: Flat as flat can be

Sleep: I actually slept pretty well this last week, although I've become such a light sleeper, which is not a bad thing since I am planning on co-sleeping (which I will try to write about this week!) 

Best moment this week: I finished Ryder's matching baby afghan, and I won quite a few Instagram contests, I also have my room almost put together, and honestly, yesterday and today, I've been on the brink of tears from being so happy and feeling just so, so blessed. 

Miss anything: I miss bending down! I'm officially admitting that it is such a chore to bend down, once I'm down, I have to make sure that there is nothing else that needs to done while I'm down! I miss sleeping on my stomach too...

Movement: So much movement and I absolutely adore it. I think him moving is one of my favorite things about being pregnant.

Cravings: I've been craving waffles this week, I know that people make fun of Waffle House, but I love it !! The hashbrowns and waffles are just so good.. (And now I might have to go get a waffle before I go to bed, it's a good thing they are open all night :D)

Looking forward to: Having my baby shower! Invitations should be sent out soon, and then I will need to tell people who don't get invitations about it. I am excited, the date for my baby shower will be in about three weeks. I am hopefully taking maternity picture soon too! 

   I still have so much to do, but I'm a happy momma. God is being so good to me and Ryder. I pray that I will just remember that every good thing is sent from Above!(: Pray that I will find a crib soon, and that the rest of my room will come together nicely. Pray that I also get all my paper work done for work, hospital, etc. 

   Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers!

xx