20 Facts About Myself

   Alright, here are 20 random facts about myself. 

1. My name is Hannah LeeAnn, but my mom called me Hannah LeeAnna growing up, thus my IG name, and snapchat name, and Twitter name, etc.

2. I just turned 21, but a lot of people think I look younger than I am. I got that baby face going on.

   This was the night of my 21st with some of my friends, the first night I felt really dressed up and pretty since having Ryder!

  

3. I've changed my major about five times, I've been a psych major, elementary education major, general studies major, nursing major, and now I'm back to psych.

4. I hate school, absolutely hate it. I don't think everyone should have to go to college to get a good job, too many people are going to college. 

5. I always knew I wanted to be a momma, ever since I was little. I would breastfeed my baby dolls as a little kid.

6. I want a big family, like five or six kids, and I adore being pregnant. I felt like a goddess when I was pregnant with Ryder. I cannot wait to have a big pregnant belly again!

7. I am the oldest of six kids, I have four sisters and one brother.

8. My first year of college was spent in Nashville, TN. I missed my home very much though, and I don't think I'll ever live too far away from my family again.

9. I went to a private, Christian school kindergarten to graduation. I left for two years in middle school, but went back. So I graduated with people that I went to kindergarten with.

10. I love coffee a lot, which is why I became a barista at Starbucks. I've been with the company almost three years now.

11. My first job was at Chickfila. I worked there for about seven months, and I hated it. I love eating there now though.

12. I can do the backwards worm, at least I could before I was pregnant, I haven't really tried doing it since I've had a baby! 

13. My favorite color is grey, I love grey because it goes with everything, but I love blue colors as well. My walls in my room are a super light grey/blue!

14. I love baby wearing, and I have six slings, and I use them all! They are all ring slings, but I'd love to add a different kind of carrier eventually.

15. I plan on breastfeeding Ryder till he is a year old, although I wouldn't mind doing it for a little longer. 

16. I cosleep with my baby, which isn't for everyone, but perfect for Ryder and myself. He has only slept in his crib twice in his life.

17. I love Coldplay, We the Kings, All American Rejects, Mumford and Sons, the Avett Brothers, The Civil Wars, and those are just the first few bands off the top of my head.

18. I am a single mother, and dating hasn't even really crossed my mind much. I've had a guy or two wanna talk, but I have so much on my mind right now. I'm also very picky and believe that I should not settle, for my sake and Ryder's sake!

19. I love the water, I'm so happy I live five minutes from the beach. I hope Ryder will grow up with a love of water as well. 

20. I have a blanket obsession. I have about fifteen or so, and Ryder shares my obsession because he has about twenty or so. I make blankets and I buy blankets. That feeling when you open a brand new blanket and it is just so soft, it is seriously one of the most simple joys in life!

   This was not as hard as I thought it would be. I'm sure my friends and family knew a lot of these already. I know everyone has been doing this on Instagram, but I figured my blog could use a little action. 

   I hope you enjoyed getting to know a little more about me!(:

xx

Shake It Off

   You ever have that feeling of dread you just can't shake? 

   Today I just have a cloud of dread following me around. I'm not sad or in a bad mood or anything, but I can't shake the dread I feel right now. I am off today, so I don't have to go to work today. I still keep checking the time to see if I need to get ready for work though. I keep having to remind myself I am off today.

   I've written about having to work before, and I will probably talk about it again in the future as well. I don't want to be a working mom, but sometimes you have to do what is best for you and your child. What is best for my child right now is working.

   Since I've gone back to work, I've realized a few things. I'm going to have to really go back to work. I've been working shorter hours, which isn't gonna fly if I want to be a responsible adult. I'm going to have to start working more, which is so ominous in my life right now. The few short hours I work is already hard enough. 

   I've also realized that being a single mother is hard. It is going to be hard. I will always have this pull. The want to provide for my child and the want to spend time with my child. This is only going to become harder for me the older he gets.

   My one wish is to be a stay at home momma. The one thing I've ever really been so sure about is that fact. The fact that I want to be a stay at home mother. It is really hard that the one thing I want more than anything is the one thing that I really can't do right now. 

  Every day I think about when I need to work next. Even on my days off, I think about when I am going to have to work again. I struggle to put my baby down, because I'm gonna have to go to work and leave him for a few hours. I know that, honestly, I'm not missing too much, especially not now. I know that it isn't a big deal, but it is to me.

   I hope that one day I will get my wish. I pray that circumstances will play out so that I will have the opportunity to one day be a stay at home mom and take care of Ryder, and maybe even some more kids. Right now I will hold my child close to me, and try to fight this dread away. Today is my day off and that is all that matters right now. I get to be with my baby all day today. 

   I want to end this by saying that I have so much respect for single mothers. In my mind I don't consider myself a single mother. I just don't like those words together. They don't belong together. I guess I'm in a sort of denial, but I am a single mother. I understand how hard it is to be a single mother. It makes me sad that there are other single mothers out there, but I hope that we can lift each other up and encourage one another. 

   If you know a single mother, tell them they are doing a good job. It is amazing to hear those words from someone, whether a friend or acquaintance. 

   It is our job, my job, to be an encouragement to one another. Oh, and that dread, shake it off. 

xx

Balancing Babies

   Trust is a big word. Not literally, but trust has a lot of meaning. It is a big deal to trust someone, or for someone to trust you. If someone loses your trust, it's hard for them to get it back. You have to earn people's trust. Some people need a lot of proof to trust you, and some people just don't trust anybody.

   I find it amazing how easily babies trust though. My baby trusts me to take care of him. He loves me and knows I'll feed him when he is hungry. He knows I'll clean him when he is dirty, and rock him to sleep at night. He trusts my parents and my siblings as well with those things. When he was born into this family, he was born with that innocent trust.

   I find it most amazing when he trusts my dad (his pop). If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, you've seen a few pictures of my dad holding Ryder by his feet. Ryder straightens his legs out and he is standing/balancing on my dad's hands. That takes a lot of trust from me as well as Ryder's momma. At first it made me very nervous, but my dad has been balancing babies for years now. He knows exactly what he is doing and he won't let my baby fall. 

   I trust my dad not to drop my baby. Ryder trusts his pop not to drop him. Ryder doesn't stop and think about whether or not he should trust Pop, he just does. 

   Just as Ryder trusts my dad like that, I've had to trust God like that. Sometimes life can get a little overwhelming. So much can be going on that we can forget God is there. God is holding us up, and we just need to remember He is our loving father, and He won't let us fall. When Ryder does lose his balance, my dad catches him. If we start to lose our balance, God is gonna catch us. 

   Especially with Ryder not having an earthly father present in his life right now, I'm so thankful for knowing he does have a Heavenly Father who will always watch over him. He also has his pop who will be there for him whenever he needs him. Ryder can trust both of them to take care of him, and I'm so thankful for that fact. 

   I'm so thankful I have this beautiful baby boy. I'm thankful I have an amazing family. I'm thankful that Ryder is going to feel safe growing up because he is surrounded by a caring and loving family. I have really been blessed, and I hope that I will stay humble and regularly remember this. Ryder has been very blessed, and I hope he realizes this as he grows up. 

   If you follow me on social media, I'm gonna hashtag future photos of Ryder balancing as #RyderStandsTall. So just punch that in to see all of his balancing pics!(:

   xx

Want.

It makes me angry. 

   I don't get angry, I am a very happy person. I am one of those people who can count on one hand the number of times that I've truly been angry. I look at the positive things in life. I am definitely a glass half full kind of person, and I love that I am. I love that I posses this character trait. I hope that Ryder, and any future children, will inherit my positive outlook on life.

   But I find myself get angry, and sad, and hurt when I think about Ryder's father. Not necessarily for myself, but for my baby.

   I just don't understand, and I don't think it is fair. I wonder why he hasn't asked about him. I wonder if he even knows his name. I wonder if he has been curious and looked at my Instagram or Facebook to see what his son looks like. Why do other people have things working out for them. I know people who would do anything for a baby, and he doesn't even care. 

   I look at my beautiful, perfect son, and I ache that he doesn't have a dad. I will sometimes start to cry because my sweet baby doesn't have a daddy. My son is an amazing little baby. He loves to sleep, he doesn't cry a lot, and he is completely healthy. 

He has a perfect baby, and I wonder if he knows that.

   It isn't fair to Ryder. Ryder didn't do anything to deserve this. He deserves a daddy. He deserves someone to hold him and love him. Someone to teach him how to throw a baseball. Someone to teach him how to be a man. Someone to teach him to be chivalrous and to be well-mannered. Ryder deserves a good, Godly man to be his daddy. 

Yet he doesn't have that right now. 

   But I am his momma, and I love him so much. Yes, I have to change all the diapers. I have to get up when he cries. I have to hold him when he is fussy. If he doesn't feel good, I'm up with him all night. I also get all of his love. I get all his smiles and giggles. I get to hold him while he sleeps and watch him dream. I get to cuddle with him every single day, and I get to watch him grow. I get to be so proud.  

   But I hope that someday soon, I can share my son. I pray that a Godly man will come into our lives. I hope that someone who will love us will decide to take care of us. Hopefully I won't have to be the one to throw the baseball with him (although, I would love to, even if I'm really bad at it). Hopefully I won't have to be a substitute dad, but until then, I will gladly be just that. 

   My baby may not have an earthly father at the moment, but I hope that I always know that he has a Heavenly Father. I hope Ryder always turns to him, and I pray to him everyday to keep my baby safe and healthy. I hope that my baby never wonders whether or not he was wanted or not, because I wanted him. I wanted Ryder when I saw that first pink positive sign.

I wanted you. I will always want you. I love you more than anything.

Growing Pains

   It is four in the morning and Ryder has been asleep since eleven. I am waiting for him to wake up. You may think I'm crazy, waiting for my baby to wake up. I lay him down in his crib for the first time in his eleven week old life. That is where he is currently sleeping at this moment.

   I have been waiting for him to wake up because I knew that he would not like his crib. I knew he would wake up and wonder where his mother is. He would awake yearning for my closeness and familiarity. I have been watching him like a hawk since he fell asleep five hours ago. I wanted to be there when he woke up. I did not expect him to go down for the night.

   My baby is growing up before my very eyes. I am making myself sit here on my bed. I keep wanting to pick him up and cuddle and nurse him back to sleep. Just the other day I was talking about how he had to be nursed to sleep. Of course only days later would I lay him in his crib to instantly fall asleep at a decent time for a full night's sleep.

   I must be crazy, being one of the only mother's complaining about having a perfect baby. I know right now there are mothers rocking there crying babes. There are mothers with babies who are teething, who are sick, who have to be held. I know that those mothers are probably exhausted and just praying for a moment of sleep. 

   Being a mother is a hard job, but it is rewarding. I hope those mothers that are up right now hold there babies tight tonight. I hope that while they are praying for that moment of sleep, that they are also praying for their little baby. Thanking God for the opportunity to be their momma. Thanking Him for what is hopefully one of the best things that ever happened to them.

   I know this is the one of many moments that will make me wish time would slow down. I'm sure Ryder will wake up in another hour or so to eat, and I am eagerly waiting to hold and nurture him. Tonight might be a fluke, and I might not get him to sleep in the crib again for awhile. If that happens, I will be just fine. I will also be just fine if he decides he loves his crib. I'm proud of my baby, and I always will be. I will be just fine being his momma.

xx

Ryder's First Christmas

   Ryder had his first Christmas this year. It was the best Christmas I've ever had! It is hard to believe that last Christmas, I had no idea Ryder would be here. Last year, my life was on a totally different path, but I'll save that for another post. I would never have imagined having a baby by this Christmas, but I wouldn't have had it any other way.

   Ryder hit two months on Christmas Eve. He has become so alert, and loves to watch everything that's going on. He is starting to regularly smile and lift his head up. He won't remember his first Christmas, but I always will. 

   With Ryder being so little, I didn't personally do much this year. I did, however, take in all the different ideas and traditions that others have. Next Christmas will be a lot of fun because Ryder will kind of have an idea of what's going on. I will probably start a tradition or two next year for my little family.(:

Christmas Eve real life, Ryder did not want to be lain down at all the night before Christmas.  

   If Christmas is your favorite time of year, and you don't have any babies yet, just wait. I've always loved Christmas, but now that I get to share the magic of it with my son, I absolutely adore Christmas. I'm so excited for the years to come! I'm excited to have Santa Clause, Christmas lights, a Christmas tree, Christmas Jammies, and so much more.

Mean muggin on Christmas Eve, is he not the most adorable baby??(:

   I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas, and I hope everyone with new babies took it all in and just etched the memories in their mind. I hope everyone took too many pictures, and had too much fun. I hope you spent too much time with family, and spent a little too much money on presents. I hope everyone ate too much good food, and took too many naps. I hope you all shared too much love and cuddles, and gave one too many smiles to a stranger.(:

Merry Christmas from my little family.(:

xx

Eight Weeks and Responsibility

   Eight weeks feels like forever and yet it feels like no time at all. It seems like I just brought my baby home from the hospital yesterday. I cannot believe Ryder is eight weeks old. My little lanky baby is growing everyday. 

   When I say eight weeks seems like forever, I mean that I can't imagine my life without Ryder. I was happy before this little baby came into my life, but I don't understand how. I don't understand what I was doing before having this little baby. This baby that God gave me is my everything and makes me want to wake up every morning.

   He is smiling now, all the time. He reminds me of Toothless the dragon from How to Train your Dragon. He is lifting his head like a champ. He doesn't need help anymore unless he is tired, then his head starts flip flopping a bit. He grabs things now, such as my clothes and hair (ouch!). He is so aware, and he just takes everything in.

   He looks at me like I'm his world. I will be doing something, and I'll glance over, and he will just be looking at me. He will be studying me, and it just make me feel so proud and happy. It also reminds me of the responsibility I now have as a parent. Proverbs 22:6 states, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." 

   I have such a serious little boy!

   I am this little boy's mother. He will watch me as he grows up. He will be a mini me, and a mini of whomever he grows up around. He will see how I act and handle situations, and he will more than likely act and handle situations similarly as he grows and matures. 

   I pray I will always remember that, and that I will be a good role model for Ryder. I pray Ryder continues to be healthy. I'm so thankful for my baby boy.<3

xx

PS I'm sorry for my almost two week blog hiatus. It is a busy time with Christmas approaching. ONLY FIVE MORE DAYS !!! 

  

Six Weeks Post-Partem

   I had my doctor appoinment today. It was so weird being back after not going for so long. I am officially four pounds under pre-pregnancy weight (go me!). Now to just keep that weight off! I am healthy and everything looks good. I have felt awesome, so I would have been surprised if everything hadn't been good. 

   Ryder has hit the six week mark, and is growing like no other. He has learned so many new things lately. Because he is going through a growth spurt, he wants to eat all the time. Every two hours (sometimes less) he is hungry and wants to eat, and nothing else will do till he gets some food, otherwise, he is an extremely happy baby.

   Ryder has started holding his head up, grasping, and smiling. He still needs help when he holds his head up, because he gets tired after a short amount of time. He has really started grasping, like if I go to lay him down, he will have a handful of my short or hair. He does not like to loosen his grip either! My favorite thing he has learned is that smile of his. I am just a puddle on the floor when he smiles at me. His smile is like telling me that I'm doing something right. I adore it!<3

   Six weeks into parenthood and I'm still loving it. Things are so good, and let me be real for a bit. There are things about parenthood that are not fun, and are a little stressful. The other day, Ryder decided he was hungry while he was in the car. He cried almost the whole way home and I felt so bad. It wasn't a long ride, but it still tugs on my heart strings. Being a mom is such a responsibility, but it is also the best thing in this entire world. I love him so much! 

xx

   

Christmas Lists

   Every year, my parents would ask us kids to write down a Christmas list. That is seriously one of the hardest lists to write for me. I never knew what to put down. I didn't want my parents to think I was selfish by asking for stuff too expensive or too much stuff, whereas on the other hand, I did want to make a small list and only get what was on my list! 

   Besides the fact that Christmas lists are hard for me to write, my parents always knew exactly what to get me. They've always gotten me the perfect gifts. My parents know me better than I know myself for sure. 

   Well, I made a list this year for Christmas. I made two, a list of things I really want right now, and a list of things that I'd like to have. I'd like to share these lists with y'all (partly because I know people will ask me what I want for myself and/or Ryder, and I can direct y'all to my handy dandy blog post, but mostly because my parents asked me for my list too)! 

1. (and 4.) Gift Cards

   They looked better not put together, but they are the same thing pretty much. Gift cards are the best gift in my opinion. It is better to get one item and a really nice gift card rather than get a lot of items. I love gift cards because I can buy exactly what I want or need, when I want or need it. And let's have some real talk, I hate when I get a gift that I don't really like (especially from someone I do like). It happens to all of us, but you can't go wrong with a gift card. I can say thank you and really mean it!(:

2. A TV Mount

   I'm asking for a TV mount this year because as of right now, my tv is being tilted to where I can see it without a glare with a pair of rolled up shorts. 

3. Hunter Boots

   I've always wanted a really good pair of rain boots, but never could find some that I truly liked. I've researched rain boots because I wanted to get the best rain boots. These hunter boots in grey are exactly that (the best rain boots). Everyone who has a pair, loves them, and they are simple and sleek. Grey is my color, it matches everything!(:

4. See number 1.

5. Diapers

   I need diapers. I thought I'd get a lot of diapers at my baby shower and as gifts, but, surprisingly, I was only given about four packs of diapers before Ryder was born. Any guesses on how long four packs of diapers lasts?? (Not long... At all, ha) 

6. Wipes

   Guess how many packs of wipes I got (half of the amount of diapers). Again, wipes are a necessity for babies!! 

   So, in conclusion, a pack of wipes or diapers and a gift card is literally the perfect gift! Hope this helps with my Christmas gifts!;) A second, more broad list of things I'd like for Ryder will be up in the next post! This second list will also be helpful with ideas for any babies!(: 

xx

One Month Must Haves

   These are my one month must haves. I have been doing this whole mother thing for about a month now, and these are things I have personally used almost daily with my new baby. I know a few people having babies soon, so hopefully this will help you out a bit. I will also have to remember to look at this post when I have another baby way down the road!

1. Diapers

   I know this is kind of a "duh" thing to have on any baby list, but Ryder specifically uses pampers. So if anyone wants to get Ryder diapers.. ;) He can use Huggies as well, but we tried an off brand diaper and it caused a rash.:( 

2.Wipes

   Another "duh" item, but wipes are important. Ryder uses Pampers sensitive wipes. Huggies wipes are not good wipes to use, at least I don't think so. They are rough. I use baby wipes to take off my makeup, and if I wouldn't use the wipe on my face, why would I use it on my baby's bottom??

3.Mittens

   I used mittens every day the first two weeks. Ryder always had mittens on because I did not want him to scratch his face. I just stopped putting mittens on him all the time (and of course he scratched his face).

4. Pacifiers

   I am all for pacifiers. Like really, these things are great. Ryder likes the MAM pacis. He started on the paci when he was eight days old. Everywhere I read said to wait about a month before introducing a paci in case of nipple confusion (pshh, my baby hasn't been confused about that at all). Ryder's doctor also said that it was perfectly fine for him to have a paci that early as well since he was gaining weight and healthy. Doctors have recently stated that pacifiers help reduce the risk of SIDS as well (which helps me sleep better at night).

5. Ring Sling

   I adore my ring sling. I have three of them and am so pleased with them. First off, I can use them till Ryder is about 35 pounds. Right now I just use the newborn cradle hold and the belly to belly hold. As Ryder's neck gains more support, I will be able to use the kangaroo hold, and even wear him on my back. The ring sling is comfortable and so versatile. Not all babies and mommas will like the ring sling, but me and Ryder love it!

6. Water, Water, Water

   I cannot state enough that water is so good for you. Mommas need water. Water helps milk production and makes you feel so much better. My water intake is awesome. I have a huge cup that I just keep refilling, it is just so refreshing.

7. Lip Balm

   The two pictures are the exact ones I use. I have never had drier lips in my life. After giving birth, my lips were drier than the Sahara Desert, and lip balm was my best friend. I actually didn't have lip balm in my hospital bag, so thank goodness I have a mom who knew I would probably regret not having lip balm. 

8. Socks

   For you and baby, but mostly for baby. I love baby socks, and they are important too. Babies lose heat through their head and feet. Ryder almost always has his feet and head covered. I use a hat or beanie for his head. 

9. Reusable Nursing Pads

   They have disposable nurse pads, but the reusable ones are much more comfy. They are soft and don't feel as weird as the disposable ones. I am actually making a few nursing pads so I don't have to wash the two sets I have over and over. They are really easy to make, and when you make them, they are cheap, and really cute!

   One thing I don't have pictured that is important is food. Food in general! I forget to eat. I know you are probably wondering,"really, forget to eat?!". Yes, I will go about my day and lay in bed and be kinda hungry, then I will think about it, and I literally will have gone the whole day without eating anything. I drink a lot of water and other drinks, and I just don't get really hungry. I have to stop and make myself eat though because food is important! It keeps milk supply up and it is healthy to eat food. So take the time to eat something after having a baby.

   I am so thankful to not have to want for anything honestly. I am provided with what I need right when I need it. It's really and truly amazing. I have learned lately that there are amazing people in this world. It may seem like humanity is awful nowadays, but I have personally seen the kindness and love still in the world. Strangers have given help to me and Ryder when I least expected it. 

   These are one month necessities for me, and I have been very blessed to have all these things. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and remembers to be thankful for all the people and blessings in their life.

xx

One Month Update: Part 1

   With Thanksgiving coming up, and having family in town, life has been busy. I am gonna try to keep up with my blog posts though, I have quite a few in mind! Today I want to just give a little update, and hopefully put a part 2 up tomorrow! 

   Ryder is a month old! I cannot believe it really. It is weird to think about how I was in the hospital about to have him only a month ago. He has gotten so big. I look at pictures from just two weeks ago, and he seems like he has changed a lot! 

   

   Alright, one month post-partem, and I am 10 pounds below my starting weight. I have not been working out at all, but I've been breastfeeding. I also drink water and eat pretty good as well. Here is a comparison of a 37 week belly, and now (one month after baby). 

   Looking at my old pregnancy pictures makes me kind of miss my belly, but nothing beats actually having my baby in my arms right now!(:

   Well, this was a short post, but I just wanted to let y'all know that I am posting, and I also wanted to write things down so I could look back and remember how things were. Time is flying by, even on the days that seem like they will never end. I encourage you to write down your thoughts and feelings, whether in a blog where you can share with other people, or in a notebook where only your eyes can see it. You'll be thankful you did down the road.

xx

Foxes and Simple Blessings

   I'm sitting on my couch on this not so cool November day. In Florida, it can be freezing one day, and on the verge of sweltering hot the next. Nevertheless, my sister and I have the Christmas Jazz pandora station playing. There is a peppermint candle lit on the table, and we are sipping on our appointed drinks (for me, coffee, and hot tea for her).

   My baby is laying in my lap sleeping peacefully. I just can't stop looking at him as I sip on my coffee. He is so beautiful and perfect in my eyes. All I can think right now is how happy I am in this moment. 

   I have found myself on the slight verge of tears. Not of sadness, but of complete and utter joy. I hope I never see the day where I don't appreciate the simple things in life. The quiet simple joys that make life worth living.

   When you step outside, and the temperature is just right. When you take that sip of coffee, and it has exactly a spoonful and a half of sugar in it. When you walk into a room, and everything is where it is supposed to be. When I see my baby sleeping with a look of content on his face. When I hold my little boy, and his little hands reach out for me.

   My sisters had the opportunity to go to a  little concert last night. She texted me a picture of a shirt with a fox on it, and she stated that it reminded her of me (I adore foxes, if you haven't picked up on that in my posts already, ha). The shirt had this saying on it, "The foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy."

   This line is in one of the songs the artist sings. It is based off a verse in the Bible, Song of Solomon 2:15, 

"Catch for us the foxes, 

the little foxes 

that ruin the vineyards, 

our vineyards that are in bloom." (NIV)

   It is safe to say, this has become my new favorite verse for the time being. The foxes are all the little things trying to steal our joy, our happiness. We must remember to catch those little annoyances and problems before they ruin our happiness. 

   

   I've never known a happiness such as this before, and I think I truly know what it means to be happy with the simple things in life now. I pray that I will remember to keep the little foxes at bay and to cherish these simple moments. My vineyard is in full bloom. 

   I challenge anyone who reads this to just pause. Pause and take in everything around you. Catch those little foxes and take the time to realize your vineyard is in bloom as well. Take the time to count your blessings, and remember the small, simple things that make life worth living. 

(Image via Pinterest) 

xx

Pregnancy Princess

   I absolutely adored being pregnant. I was a pregnancy goddess, or unicorn, or something magical! I didn't gain weight till I was about six months pregnant. I never got morning sickness or had nausea. I didn't show till I was almost six months pregnant, and when I did show, I was all belly. The only huge problem I had was heart burn, and even then, I was just popping tums like no other.

   Now I did get super antsy in the last month, and I (again) had heartburn, and I missed sleeping on my stomach. Other than that, I loved being pregnant. I felt like my body was meant for it. I felt beautiful, and I wanted to show my belly off. I enjoyed people coming up and asking me if I was pregnant. To be honest, I'd sometimes get a little offended when people wouldn't mention it! I enjoyed people (that I knew) coming up and rubbing and touching my belly too.

   I read a few blogs and articles about how hard pregnancy is and how some people don't like pregnancy. It is true, pregnancy is hard, I mean, you are growing another little human! A little, separate being. It is truly an amazing miracle, but it can be a difficult thing. 

   I am on the side of pregnancy that says it is amazing and to embrace every second of it. I miss being pregnant just a little bit (nothing beats actually holding your newborn baby!), but a little bit of me misses having a big belly. I miss being able to feel my little Ryder move and his hiccups. He will start hiccuping now and I remember how it felt when I was pregnant with him. 

   Pregnancy is different for everyone though. Don't feel bad if you don't like being pregnant. Especially if it is your first. I was very blessed by the way my first pregnancy went, but my next pregnancy might be very different. I'm not planning on having another baby anytime soon, but I do want a little sibling for Ryder someday. Hopefully my future pregnancies will be as amazing as this one, but it might not be.

   I want people to know that everyone is going to have their own experience when it comes to pregnancy. The thing about pregnancy is, no matter if you have an awful one or a great one, in the end, there is going to be a beautiful baby. A little soul that is going to make a you realize that it was worth it. Pregnancy is worth it.

   I was asked to post on Instagram a picture of where I felt beautiful, and all I could think about were my maternity photos. I felt beautiful. I don't think I ever felt more beautiful or empowering than when I was pregnant. I was at awe by how my body was building a baby. At my biggest, I felt beautiful. I thought I looked beautiful. I loved my belly. 

   I'm really happy Ryder is in my life now though!(:

xx

   

   

36 weeks

   By the end of this week, I will be considered full term. This means that in no more than five weeks at the most, I will be someone's mommy. Talk about hard to believe. I am so excited to meet my little boy. 

   

   I am so happy that it is October, because this is supposed to be Ryder's birthday month (although I think he will wait till November to make his appearance). Ryder is now just putting on some weight in my tummy now. He should be as long as he will be when he is born at this point. One of my favorite apps is ovia pregnancy because it shows how big baby's hand is, and Ryder's hand has grown so much. I remember when it showed that his hand wasn't any bigger than my fingertip!(: 

   This past week I had my baby shower, and I'm so thankful for everything that Ryder was given. People were so thoughtful and sweet, I'm so thankful for everyone who showed up. I really don't have much more I need before Ryder is born. I'm gonna need some more diapers, wipes, and I will need to get bottles eventually, but other than that, I'm not left wanting. 

   My room/nursery (same place) just needs curtains, blinds, and wall decorations, then it will be complete. All that I will need will be my sweet baby!(: I have a few more things to put in my hospital bag and diaper bag, but I will be putting up a blog post about both later this week (at least I'm gonna try!). 

How far along: 36 weeks

Gender: A sweet boy

Weight gain: 22 lbs.

Maternity clothes: I haven't bought any clothes in weeks, I'm making do with what I have right now

Stretch marks: None, and I really hope it stays that way, if I get stretch marks at this point, I will cry. It would just be cruel to get stretch marks with four weeks to go !!

Belly button in or out: flat, but I think it's starting to be a bit of an outtie, not quite, but almost...

Sleep: Hasn't been too bad this week, I've been tired, weariness has hit me like a train, I want to just rest all the time.

Best moment this week: My baby shower was great, I love having everything almost together. I cleaned Ryder's clothes and sheets, I've made two more afghans, I almost have my room all put together. I just have my hospital bags and a few other little things left to finish. I finally got to cross out a few things off my list this week (I love lists, and I love crossing things off lists!). 

Miss anything: My hands and feet keep swelling. I can't wear my rings anymore, and some of my shoes are kind of tight :( I miss shoes and rings, I also miss the days of no heartburn. Heartburn has come with a vengeance this past week, it is ridiculous. I have started waddling slightly.. Not a lot, but I want to not waddle, I'm not a duck! I'm starting to feel big as well, it is going to be weird to be normal sized again.. 

Movement: Ryder still moves so much, even though he is running out of space to move!

Cravings: I haven't really had any cravings this week.

Looking forward to: I'm looking forward to putting up my next few blog posts, and I'm excited for my next dr appointment. Hopefully It won't be too uncomfortable being checked, and hopefully Ryder will be in the right position for labor to happen soon! Time is truly flying! 

   So sorry for being so late on this weeks post, I've been tired and busy. My sister didn't feel good, and I helped take care of her the past few days. Hopefully I can make up with extra blog posts this week! 

xx

35 weeks!!!

   I literally have a little over a month to go till I see my baby boy! My friend had her baby this past week and I got to hold her when she was only a day or so old. She was so little, and it made me that much more anxious to hold my little one!(: 

    My friend actually made me anxious to have my baby too! She is a little thing, and she went into labour, and four hours later, there was a baby! She went through her labour naturally with no epidural. She told me how glad she was that she did that, and I am really hoping I can go through birth naturally as well. Women's bodies were made to give birth, they have done it for hundreds of years! I guess we shall see how things go in another month or so!;)

   I loved my maternity pictures from last week, and everyone else seemed to like them too (they are in the last post or so). I can't wait to have pictures with and of my baby. I promise they will be even more amazing! 

   My week was a little boring other than those few highlights, and I got a canvas to put up by Ryder's crib. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, and everything was good. I have another one in two weeks and my doctor will start checking my cervix. 

How far along: 35 weeks

Gender: Little boy !

Weight gain: 22 lbs. (I've gained four pounds since my last doctors appointment !)

Maternity clothes: the only thing I want is maternity jeans, I want some so badly and I am highly considering buying some.... 

Stretch marks: None

Belly button in or out: flat

Sleep: heartburn is keeping me up at night, (ugh). I can't seem to go to sleep when I should go to sleep, but I want to sleep during the day and at random times, it's not the most ideal situation..

Best moment this week: Holding my friends newborn baby(: Hands down(: and I got a couple cups, and my cutting board in the mail!(:

   I got this cup from @thelittlevinylsaur on ig. I won it in one of my loop games! It says "I sneezed on the beat and the beat got sickah." It's cute!(:

   This cutting board is seriously awesome. I mean, how many people do you know with a monogrammed cutting board. I feel like this would be a great gift for a newly wed couple (that is what comes to my mind right off the bat). @ohmgrownhandmade on ig makes them!(:

   I love my monogram cup! (I love monograms too much, I know!). @thecraftyengineer on ig makes them! I won mine in a contest, but they are only about eight dollars, and they are so cutee!<3

Miss anything: My hands and feet keep swelling, and when I've been on my feet, my hips start hurting really bad, so I miss when those things didn't happen!

Movement: Ryder has hiccups 24/7, I really do love him moving though.

Cravings: I've been craving waffles yet again, I love waffles, I don't know what it is(: and hot fries!

Looking forward to: My baby shower is Sarurday! I can finally put my hospital bags together, I can finish putting my room together, I will finally know what all I need, and I will finally be able to wash baby clothes. I am so ready for after the baby shower! I've been waiting to put things together for the longest time.

   I will be putting up a few posts in the coming weeks. What is going in my hospital bags and the shower and all! I'm excited.(: 

xx