Here We Are Now

   You were restless last night my little one. I'm not quite sure why, but i do know neither of us got much sleep. After the sun came up, I was hoping we could sleep in after such a restless night, but then I heard you coo. You've started making noise and "talking." I thought maybe you were dreaming, but then you gently coo some more. I turn over to look at you and the biggest smile appears.

   I didn't think you'd be such a happy baby after a sleepless night, but you never cease to surprise me. I lay next to you and watch you smile at me as if to say good morning. I have never been a morning person, but I don't find it hard to get up as much anymore. You've given my life meaning. You've given me a reason to wake up in the morning. 

   These first few months have been a learning experience. You are my first child, and you teach me something new every day. It is amazing how much you have changed me. You've taught me to be patient, kind, and tough.

   I've never been an unbearable impatient person, but I've had my moments. You've taught me that things will happen when they happen. I can't just get up and go anywhere anymore. It is a process. I usually make sure you are ready first, and then I start getting ready. I usually have to feed you once while I'm getting ready. I have to make sure the diaper bag is ready to go, and hopefully you haven't spit up or pooped out during this time. 

   I am more patient with time as well. I love the now. I cherish the time I have with you while you are four months old. I miss the newborn days, but I'm not gonna spend my time wishing for those days back (hopefully you'll have brothers and sisters and I'll experience those days again.) I'm also so excited for you to start laughing, and I am excited to watch you grow. I don't want to rush things though. Now you are four months old. Now you are smiling, and sleeping, and wanting me to hold you close. I am content with the now.

   Kindness makes such a difference. I try to be kind to everyone I meet now. I've had difficult days, but I remember that fellow mom that gave me that encouraging smile. Those people who told me I was doing a great job right when I needed to hear it. We all have our hard days. That little bit of kindness could give someone the strength to keep going. 

   I've been so blessed by the kindness of others. I don't think I realized how kind people could be until you were born. Having you on my own was not an easy nor ideal task, but I'm not really alone. I have an amazing family who have changed their lives to help you and me. I have friends who love you as well. I want to pass that kindness on. People have been so kind to us, how could I not pass it on.

   I would never have considered myself tough, until you came along. Having a little, innocent baby has made me a momma bear, and no one messes with my baby. I've learned to say, "no." I have realized I can't please everyone, and I don't try to anymore. Ryder, you are my top priority now. I have to take care of you, and make sure you are happy. I'm thankful you have taught me to stand up for you and for myself.

  I hope I can teach you these attributes as you grow. Every day is a new day for us. Our days now consist of holding you close, breastfeeding, smiling, changing diapers, and wearing you. I love our days now. 

   Little baby of mine, as you drift to sleep in my arms, I go through the days. I'm ready to go to bed, but when I go to lay you down, you start suckling again. I don't mind though. I love holding you close to me more than anything. I know you won't always fall asleep while I hold you. 

This is my life now.

This is motherhood.

This is all I've ever wanted.

xx

Balancing Babies

   Trust is a big word. Not literally, but trust has a lot of meaning. It is a big deal to trust someone, or for someone to trust you. If someone loses your trust, it's hard for them to get it back. You have to earn people's trust. Some people need a lot of proof to trust you, and some people just don't trust anybody.

   I find it amazing how easily babies trust though. My baby trusts me to take care of him. He loves me and knows I'll feed him when he is hungry. He knows I'll clean him when he is dirty, and rock him to sleep at night. He trusts my parents and my siblings as well with those things. When he was born into this family, he was born with that innocent trust.

   I find it most amazing when he trusts my dad (his pop). If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, you've seen a few pictures of my dad holding Ryder by his feet. Ryder straightens his legs out and he is standing/balancing on my dad's hands. That takes a lot of trust from me as well as Ryder's momma. At first it made me very nervous, but my dad has been balancing babies for years now. He knows exactly what he is doing and he won't let my baby fall. 

   I trust my dad not to drop my baby. Ryder trusts his pop not to drop him. Ryder doesn't stop and think about whether or not he should trust Pop, he just does. 

   Just as Ryder trusts my dad like that, I've had to trust God like that. Sometimes life can get a little overwhelming. So much can be going on that we can forget God is there. God is holding us up, and we just need to remember He is our loving father, and He won't let us fall. When Ryder does lose his balance, my dad catches him. If we start to lose our balance, God is gonna catch us. 

   Especially with Ryder not having an earthly father present in his life right now, I'm so thankful for knowing he does have a Heavenly Father who will always watch over him. He also has his pop who will be there for him whenever he needs him. Ryder can trust both of them to take care of him, and I'm so thankful for that fact. 

   I'm so thankful I have this beautiful baby boy. I'm thankful I have an amazing family. I'm thankful that Ryder is going to feel safe growing up because he is surrounded by a caring and loving family. I have really been blessed, and I hope that I will stay humble and regularly remember this. Ryder has been very blessed, and I hope he realizes this as he grows up. 

   If you follow me on social media, I'm gonna hashtag future photos of Ryder balancing as #RyderStandsTall. So just punch that in to see all of his balancing pics!(:

   xx