Easter Basket

   Easter is in just a week! I have been busy with a birthday and being a momma, so I haven't had time to write lately. I have a few posts in mind to write down and share, so hopefully I will get a few posts out these next few weeks.

   I wanted to just share my littles Easter basket! Maybe give you some last minute ideas, or future gift ideas.

   Ryder has lots of fox clothing from Carters, so I found the blanket that goes with it all. I got three board books, two Dr. Seuss, and one Biscuit the Puppy book. Two wooden toys from Bannor Toys, a wooden car and a wooden bunny teether. I also got a JellyCat bunny which has Ryder's initials on the ear!

   I'm super excited for Ryder to open his basket. The wooden toys have his name on them, and I also got some swim trunks for him. I got some dark chocolate to put on the eggs, but those are for me! 

  I love putting books in the basket, as well as toys. The blankets came from JC Penneys, books from Toys R Us, wooden toys from Bannor Toys (@bannortoys on ig), the monogrammed Jellycat bunny from Peekawho (@peekawhoo on ig)! The swim trunks and the basket are both from Target. 

   I got Ryder's Easter morning outfit from JC Penneys, and his lounge outfit from Target. He will be using his mint cross Wren and Rumor blanket (@wrenandrumor on ig) and he has dollar bunny ears from Target as well.

   I'm super excited for Easter because Ryder is old enough to get excited for things! There will definitely be pictures on my Instagram on Easter, and I might try to do a recap post afterwards! 

  I will be writing a birthday post soon, and some other things. If you have any suggestions, or things you'd like to hear my thoughts on, feel free to get ahold of me, whether email or social media. I hope everyone has an amazing Easter, I'm sure Ryder and I will!

xx

No Longer a Secret

   I'm so excited for Easter. Easter is the time of year that calls for a new dress, and last year was no different.. except for the fact that I was pregnant. I had just found out I was pregnant this time last year. As I was trying on dresses, I was wondering what I'd look like with a big, pregnant belly. I had no idea I wouldn't even show till my third trimester. I had no idea whether I was having a boy or a girl, and only a handful of people knew I was even pregnant.

   I was already thinking of names, and I was trying not to worry or stress out too much. I was only about seven or eight weeks along. I wanted to see a doctor so badly so that I knew everything would be alright. I had no idea I'd be holding a perfectly healthy four month old a year later. I was more tired than usual, and I had no idea that growing a baby that was about the size of a speck was so tiring. 

   I finally found a beautiful cream dress, but the same night I bought it, someone stole it. I was so angry, and I was being so dramatic because I was so sad. I knew I would never find a dress as pretty, and I felt like I had thrown money down the drain. Then the next day I got a call, and as pregnancy brain would have it, I had left it in the Victoria's Secret changing room. 

   So I had a beautiful dress and a wonderful secret last year. Not everyone knew I was pregnant and all I could think about was how excited I was to make an Easter basket this year. I was thinking about how the Easter bunny would visit a baby the next year. I was wondering what kind of basket I would use, and what I would put in it. I would have to get a stuffed bunny whether I was having a boy or a girl. I'd get to buy an Easter outfit for a baby, and not just myself. I was so excited for right now.

   I have not been disappointed either. Easter is a little less than a month away, and I have Ryder's Easter basket almost ready. I'm just waiting on a few things to arrive in the mail. Once those arrive, I'll be able to put his basket together. Then on Easter morning, the Easter bunny will put his basket out for him to find. I have a little outfit for Sunday morning, and I have a lounge Easter outfit for him as well. 

   Christmas was fun, but Ryder was so little that he didn't really understand the excitement. He was still so new. Next Christmas will be a lot of fun (and so different)! Ryder might be walking by then, which is so hard to even imagine! So I feel like this is Ryder's first real holiday.

   Easter is going to be so cool. Ryder is grabbing at toys, and gets excited about things now. I got him some more wooden toys, a romper, a bunny, and books. I might have added some dark chocolate as well (for me, of course!). It will be awesome to see Ryder smile as I show him his toys on Easter morning. 

   It is becoming harder and harder to imagine I grew this little babe of mine. That a year ago, Easter was approaching, and this beautiful baby boy was only a secret. I look at Ryder, and I see a miracle. The miracle of life. I see a baby that spent nine months growing inside of me. I've been thanking God so much for placing Ryder in my life. This time last year, I was feeling so many emotions. Now looking back, I can see that God knew exactly what He was doing. 

xx

No Place I'd Rather Be

   My last few posts have not been very happy posts, so I think it is time for a good post. I've cut out coffee, well caffeine. I've been drinking fully decaf coffees and a little bit of sweet tea. I've been trying to drink more water. I started out the year really well, I was drinking almost a gallon a day. That was one of my resolutions, so I am making that resolution again. 

   The cool thing about resolutions is that you can start one at anytime. I am drinking more water again, and I feel immensely better. You can blame it on positive thinking if you'd like, but since I decided to give up caffeine and drink more water a few days ago, I've been happier. The weather is still cool and dreary, but my mood is not. 

   If you have any resolutions that you've drifted away from, maybe now is the time to make them again. Maybe it is time to change your resolutions or make new ones. 

   Another resolution I'm adding is that I've decided to put my phone down when my baby needs me. I've decided to hold and cherish my baby because he is the best thing to ever happen to me. There are babies out there who don't get loved on, and I don't want Ryder to ever feel like that.

   I am his mother. If Ryder needs me, I will be there. I will not let my baby cry, not because I'm spoiling him, but because he is a baby who needs his mother. When babies cry, something is wrong. That is how they communicate. When my baby needs his mother, he will have her because I know that is what is best for my child.

   I shower my baby in love, because how can I not? When I see this baby of mine smiling, it makes me know that I'm doing exactly what I should be doing. When I see my baby sleeping, that peaceful look just melts me. I will do anything to keep my baby safe. I am his protector. I want him to never be fearful of going to sleep. 

   I'll be cleaning or doing something, and I'll look over at Ryder and he will be watching me. He just watches me, and as a four month old, I know he already admires me and looks up to me. I am responsible for this beautiful, sweet child. He makes me want to be a better person. He makes me want to be the best mother I can be. 

   So my resolutions are to drink more water, and love my baby more. A little less than what I started the year with, but two things I can put all my energy into. They shouldn't be too hard, especially the second one since my heart literally overflows with love for my son.

There's no place I'd rather be.

xx

Shake It Off

   You ever have that feeling of dread you just can't shake? 

   Today I just have a cloud of dread following me around. I'm not sad or in a bad mood or anything, but I can't shake the dread I feel right now. I am off today, so I don't have to go to work today. I still keep checking the time to see if I need to get ready for work though. I keep having to remind myself I am off today.

   I've written about having to work before, and I will probably talk about it again in the future as well. I don't want to be a working mom, but sometimes you have to do what is best for you and your child. What is best for my child right now is working.

   Since I've gone back to work, I've realized a few things. I'm going to have to really go back to work. I've been working shorter hours, which isn't gonna fly if I want to be a responsible adult. I'm going to have to start working more, which is so ominous in my life right now. The few short hours I work is already hard enough. 

   I've also realized that being a single mother is hard. It is going to be hard. I will always have this pull. The want to provide for my child and the want to spend time with my child. This is only going to become harder for me the older he gets.

   My one wish is to be a stay at home momma. The one thing I've ever really been so sure about is that fact. The fact that I want to be a stay at home mother. It is really hard that the one thing I want more than anything is the one thing that I really can't do right now. 

  Every day I think about when I need to work next. Even on my days off, I think about when I am going to have to work again. I struggle to put my baby down, because I'm gonna have to go to work and leave him for a few hours. I know that, honestly, I'm not missing too much, especially not now. I know that it isn't a big deal, but it is to me.

   I hope that one day I will get my wish. I pray that circumstances will play out so that I will have the opportunity to one day be a stay at home mom and take care of Ryder, and maybe even some more kids. Right now I will hold my child close to me, and try to fight this dread away. Today is my day off and that is all that matters right now. I get to be with my baby all day today. 

   I want to end this by saying that I have so much respect for single mothers. In my mind I don't consider myself a single mother. I just don't like those words together. They don't belong together. I guess I'm in a sort of denial, but I am a single mother. I understand how hard it is to be a single mother. It makes me sad that there are other single mothers out there, but I hope that we can lift each other up and encourage one another. 

   If you know a single mother, tell them they are doing a good job. It is amazing to hear those words from someone, whether a friend or acquaintance. 

   It is our job, my job, to be an encouragement to one another. Oh, and that dread, shake it off. 

xx