I was already thinking of names, and I was trying not to worry or stress out too much. I was only about seven or eight weeks along. I wanted to see a doctor so badly so that I knew everything would be alright. I had no idea I'd be holding a perfectly healthy four month old a year later. I was more tired than usual, and I had no idea that growing a baby that was about the size of a speck was so tiring.
I finally found a beautiful cream dress, but the same night I bought it, someone stole it. I was so angry, and I was being so dramatic because I was so sad. I knew I would never find a dress as pretty, and I felt like I had thrown money down the drain. Then the next day I got a call, and as pregnancy brain would have it, I had left it in the Victoria's Secret changing room.
So I had a beautiful dress and a wonderful secret last year. Not everyone knew I was pregnant and all I could think about was how excited I was to make an Easter basket this year. I was thinking about how the Easter bunny would visit a baby the next year. I was wondering what kind of basket I would use, and what I would put in it. I would have to get a stuffed bunny whether I was having a boy or a girl. I'd get to buy an Easter outfit for a baby, and not just myself. I was so excited for right now.
I have not been disappointed either. Easter is a little less than a month away, and I have Ryder's Easter basket almost ready. I'm just waiting on a few things to arrive in the mail. Once those arrive, I'll be able to put his basket together. Then on Easter morning, the Easter bunny will put his basket out for him to find. I have a little outfit for Sunday morning, and I have a lounge Easter outfit for him as well.
Christmas was fun, but Ryder was so little that he didn't really understand the excitement. He was still so new. Next Christmas will be a lot of fun (and so different)! Ryder might be walking by then, which is so hard to even imagine! So I feel like this is Ryder's first real holiday.
Easter is going to be so cool. Ryder is grabbing at toys, and gets excited about things now. I got him some more wooden toys, a romper, a bunny, and books. I might have added some dark chocolate as well (for me, of course!). It will be awesome to see Ryder smile as I show him his toys on Easter morning.
It is becoming harder and harder to imagine I grew this little babe of mine. That a year ago, Easter was approaching, and this beautiful baby boy was only a secret. I look at Ryder, and I see a miracle. The miracle of life. I see a baby that spent nine months growing inside of me. I've been thanking God so much for placing Ryder in my life. This time last year, I was feeling so many emotions. Now looking back, I can see that God knew exactly what He was doing.